Dreams..what do they mean?

saat aku tertawa di atas semua
saat aku menangisi kesedihanku
aku ingin engkau selalu ada
aku ingin engkau aku kenang

selama aku masih bernafas
masih sanggup berjalan
ku kan slalu memujamu

meski ku tak tahu lagi
engkau ada di mana
dengarkan aku ku merindukanmu

saat aku mencoba merubah segalanya
saat aku meratapi kekalahanku
aku ingin engkau selalu ada
aku ingin engkau aku kenang

I woke up early today. Sumthg happnd last nite n I wanted to sleep to run away from the sadness. There's just a never-ending to the chaos in this house. I cleaned the house a bit and washed my clothes. Then I got sleepy again so I slept soundly. I had a weird dream at first. I was in Giant and wanted to buy something but I only had RM15.00 in purse so I decided not to buy anything. Then I wondered how did I get to Giant alone. Did I drive? I searched for any familiar car but there wasn't any. I waited for the bus and still wondered how the hell did I get here. I asked someone to pinch my cheek and I felt her pinching. Then I sorta forced myself to wake up.

"oh yeah, it's just a dream. Thank God." Then I fall back into slumber.

The dream continued actually. I went back to my home in sek17. Surprisingly my parents came and visit me. Both my parents. I literally forgot that my father passed away. All I knew was I poured everything to him. All my problems and sadness and he listened to me attentively with a worried look on his face. After the pouring session I went upstairs to my room. Suddenly I remembered the time when I wanted to talk to him badly but couldn't. Then it hit me. Wait, Abah passed away. How did he came back.

I searched for my mom and asked her. How did u manage to bring Abah back? She said that my dad was the one coming to her. She was walking alone and he came to her saying that he's worried about our family. After hearing that I ran to him and hugged him tightly. I was crying and saying how much I miss him. I asked him why'd he left us all. He was holding his tears too and I knew he kept quiet bcoz there wasn't anything that he could do about it. It's written that way. He can't change that.

When I woke up, I immediately texted my friends and tears couldn't stop flowing down my cheek. I guess the dream is showing what's in my heart. All these while I've never assumed that he passed away. He is still alive, in my heart. He always came to me in my dream. Usually when I'm sad he'll come. I've not been dreaming much about him lately till today. I guess he doesn't want me to forget his existence in my heart. Coz as long as I remember him, I will stay strong bcoz he has always showed the same example to me. When he was sick, he told his friends that he couldn't take it. That it was painful all the time but he showed a tough face bcoz he's the head of the family. He didn't want us to be worried of him.

I don't think I can keep writing bout this. I better stop now or I'll cry again. I will stay strong. I know I can. It's just that sometimes I really miss him. Like today. I just hope the chaos in my house will stop. I wish I could tell everyone to act rational b4 screaming and yelling at each other's face. Okay, I'm exaggerating. There are yelling but just from 1 side. And bcoz of that they're not seeing each others' faces. I don't like it when we have this kinda fight. Although I'm not included in the fight, it hurts as much. Hopefully 2nite I won't have a bad dream anymore. N if abah comes to my dream, I hope it's a happy dream.

I miss u Abah :'(