Unfinished Story

Ever since I got my result, I knew that life would not be easy this semester.
It's like 'Deja Vu'~

If you know my mother, then you'll know why I am not happy with my result.
Alhamdulillah, I did not fail any subject so I don't have to repeat any paper.
It's just that, my mother is NEVER HAPPY with my result.
Even if I get a high pointer, she will compare it with someone who got higher than me.
It's really tiring to try my best to satisfy her.
She wants only PERFECTION.

I recall the conversation that I had about six years ago.
PSRA (Penilaian Sekolah Rendah Agama)
"Kenapa result jadi macam tu?"
diam.
"Awak kate senang, kenapa tak dapat highest?"
dlm hati : okay lah tu, 3rd highest
In the end, hanya ustaz Isa yg tahu sebab dia yg calonkan nama aku.

The conversation happened again, but the second question was different.
"Awak tahu Syaza dapat berapa? 3.92"
diam. nangis dlm bilik.

Before balik UiTM
"Pelik betul Mummy. Syaza mmg minat subject tu, memang patutlah dia dpt score. Awak pun minat TESL kenapa tak boleh score?"
diam. tahan air mata. masuk bilik. nangis.

All this only reminds me of what a great motivator my father was. Before, he was there to comfort me. Now? Tears itself is not enough to bring the scar away.

Maybe when you read what I've written you'd think what a fool I am. Just a short, simple word can bring tears in my eyes. That's only because I've censored all the phrases that she blurted out to me. If you are in my place, you'll know. Pressure. And no one to console me. Only my friends thought that my result was ok. My mother? The pointer was like rubbish. As if I didn't work hard last semester.

All in all, this would only make me study harder. 4.0~maybe that would make her happy.

Sem Baru, Semangat Baru!

Result aku tak mencapai target. Sedih sangat semalam. Menangis pun tak boleh nak ubah result aku tapi air mata tu tetap turun. Mungkin aku perlu lebih berusaha. Mungkin juga rezekiku belum sampai untuk dapat apa yang aku target. Walaupun aku rasa tertampar sangat dengan result aku, aku takkan biarkan ia menjadi titik penghalang untuk aku terus berusaha. Semoga Allah bersamaku. Congrats to my twin, Syaza for getting 3.92 this semester!

Kerdilnya Diri Ini

I discovered the joy of writing blogs when I was in form two. It was the year-end holidays and I surfed the Internet all day! (waktu tuh umah haku ade tenet lor..) I read Haqqa's blog as a start and I was really impressed with what he wrote. He is very mature and his words were full of wisdom. After reading Haqqa's blog I read other people's blog and that was when I saw the beauty of it. It's amazing how different people have different views in life. I realised that my world is full with people that are very passionate, mature and wacky in their own way. As I read more and more blogs I started to see things differently. I dare say that it made me more mature. Well, I was just a 14 year old girl but I read something very mature so of course it opened my mind to a lot of things. The more I read I felt smaller and smaller with people around me. These people (the one that I followed their blogs, *not uitm students..) they really have a vision in their life. I became more impressed when some of them even put islamic talks in their blog. Who am I compared to them? Some people they are only 19 but they have a 29 year old brain!! How do they get mature in a very young age? Honestly, I really felt small and tiny. Still, it boosted my spirit to be more mature in life.

Today~I discovered more blogs..Myschoolmate's blog and also my seniors' blog. Again I feel small compared to them. Especially when I read Kak Ayu's blog. When I look at life from her point of view, I feel so thankful to be able to discover A LOT of things. Today I realised how I miss reading an educational blog. I've not read Haqqa's blog for years now. Well...at least I learned something from this blog thingy. Just like I first knew I would. Been missing all my friends this holiday. Can't wait to see them during BTN. Especially u, Pajid! N afew others like Reen and Lin0. Huhu~