Suramnya~

The brooding atmosphere of final examination is killing me inside. 2 weeks before examination, i felt like jumping from the 50th floor but as the finals come I feel like even though I do not jump from the 50th floor, I am elready dead. The finals was not hard, in fact it was pretty manageable for me. It's not the matter of whether the questions are hard or easy, it's the question of the broody atmosphere around me. Everyone is so tensed on studying. I dunno..I just hate this kind of atmosphere. No laughter, no jokes, no smile. Everyone is busy with their own life. Even worse, I'm the only one from the third floor. If I want to see my friends either I have to climb to the fourth floor or I will have to slide to the first floor. I miss having fun with my friends. I feel very lonely right now. I want to feel happy once again ut there's nothing to cheer me up. Not even blogging. I need excitement, thrill and humour. My life is so dull right now. Even my bf is busy studying. I don't blame him. I want him to study. Sigh~someone please come and light me up. I went back home during the study week. Even going back home does not cheer me up. I don't know what's wrong with me. Is my soul dying? Perhaps not. I miss laughing out loud with my friends. They are next to me but still, I feel that they are far from me. Guys, it's gonna be the end of semester soon. I don't want it to end like this. But what can I do to change it?

Thanks Siha!

Oh~I had a terrible gastric yesterday.

Thanks to Siha for bringing me to the hostel.

I had to come back to my faculty after eating my medicine

because we have a test after that.

The test was ******!

Anyway, I really appreciate your help, Siha.

1001 gratitude from me :)

>>GAMARJOBAT<< Actor's Studio,here I come!!

Yeah~Gamarjobat! That's the tittle of the theater that I would be watching tomorrow!! haha!! Can't wait to go to Actor's Studio tomorrow. After submitting my assignment and answering two tests tomorrow, I'm going to Bangsar to watch Gamarjobat. v(^o^)v Don't be jealous,ok? We're going there by bus. Five of my Classmates are going too. Pajid (of course), Bonie, Fiqah, Muhyi and I. We're gonna have so much fun tomorrow, insya Allah. They promised that the theater would be great. I hope they are right. Anyway, I have to study now cause I have two tests tomorrow. I'll write about the theater tomorrow. Bubbye~

Thanks Pn Vovy!

Oh~thank you so much Pn Vovy for your advice to me last night. Finally I manage to find serenity in myself. Like I said before in my post, this week had been so awful with my dued assignments and tests and also Bakai. Alhamdulillah, last night I seek help from the right person. As I was so tensed with everything, I texted my lecturer, Puan Voviana and told her about the assignments and all. Her advice was simple. She told me to sleep right at that moment, wake up at 5 and solat. I'll be okay. Sometimes there's no use thinking of our works. It'll never end. Just rest. At first I thought that I can't do that. How am I supposed to sleep with the assignments still on my head? Then, I followed her advice. I performed my Isya' prayer and read surah Ar-rahman. After reading the Holy Quran, I felt so calm. It was as if all my problems and burdens are off my chest. I felt so relieved. Finally I'm feeling normal. I slept early just as been told and manage to wake up before Subuh. I decided to fast and go to my faculty early in the morning even though my class was at 2p.m. I managed to finish my 1st assignment before Zohor. Thank God! Then, during Grammar class I was happy because my group won the game. At last I can smile and laugh. Now I'm feeling quite normal. Believe me, the last two days before was like hell to me. Anyway, I learn a lot from this incident. Allah is always there for us. We always forget that fact. We tend to seek help from people around us when He is always there for us. I'm thankful that because of this hectic week, I found my inner strength by making myself close to Allah. Alhamdulillah~

A Broody Week

What is the significance of putting Bakai's picture on this post? Every time I shared my experience about theater it was always a happy memory. But today, I just feel like I should be honest with myself. This week is terrible for me. On Monday I cried like hell for one hour without no one there to console me. I was alone in my room and that was when I felt that I could stop pretending to be okay.

I have loads and loads of assignments to submit and four tests to take this week. Guess what? I've not finish any of them. I spent my weekends at Foyer HEP, helping my friends to prepare for our big theater on Sunday. On Saturday I forgot about the assignments and tests so I did not mind at all to stay there till midnight. When Monday comes, I realised all the burdens that I have to carry this whole week. OMG! I've not cried for so long. Besides crying because of my unfinished assignments and tests, I was also very sad beacuse of the theater. I admit that Bakai was the sweetest memory for this semester. Though, when I heard the awful comments I can't help but to feel sad and disappointed. I was part of the team after all. Even though my role was quite small in the theater, I still feel the pain when people look down to our efforts. It was as if all that we've done was useless. It was like a failure. I rarely see things negatively but honestly, I think everyone was disappointed to hear the comments. I thought I could manage to act that I am okay but the moment I saw the looks on my seniors' faces I can't help it but to feel sad too. Koie,Aloy and Shy looked really hurt after the thater. I wanted to console but what can I say to make them feel better? So I just went back and hoped that I'd forget everything.

Well, I can't. I'm still depressed about it. And with the assignments and all, I feel more tensed. I can't even smile sincerely these two days. I tried hard but I can't. Even my friends are not much of a help. They are also stressed out with the assignments and all so I can't seek help from them. Another thing, I'm getting sadder and sadder with the gap that is getting bigger between my classmates. I really don't know why but we are getting more selfish with ourselves now. No more walk-together, eat-together and do things together. Everyone is busy doing their own work. I hardly even laugh these two days. It is awful because I used to think that life is so fun here. Now, everything's going the other way round. I really missed spending time with my classmates. We are too busy that we don't even have the time to text each other.

Lastly, my bf made me really disappointed last week. I can't accept how bad his results were. Fine,he promised that he would study. I just hope that he could manage to get better results during the finals. I don't know when I'm going to be happy again. Nothing seemed to cheer me up. Usually I would feel happy every time I surfed the internet but now even that doesn't work. Going to class makes me more tensed. What else can I do? Lastly, I just wrote this post even though I know it wouldn't help either. What I can do is just struggle to finish my assignments and try my best to study as much as I can for the test. After that, I'm going to take it easy by watching a theater with my friends at Bangsar this Tuesday. I hope that would cheer me up.

Sweetest memory for this semester

At last, it finally ends.

Bakai had successfully ended yesterday.

We had a lot of critics but I don't mind because abg Man told me,

"pengalaman adalah cikgu yg terbaik di dunia..".

This is the 1st time ever I'm involved in a theater,

there are still lots of things that I can learn about theater.

The comments that we got really taught me that theater is not just about acting on stage.

There are many things that we have to consider in order to ensure that our theater succeeds.

I wanna thank all the production members, crews, actors and actresses for the amazing experiences that I've had with all of you.

Some are sweet, some are irritating but still, I think that they are all precious.

Most biggest thanks to Koie for being a very cool leader.

Yg penting, next sem aku nak masuk teater lagi.

Mwahahaha~