Unfinished Story

Ever since I got my result, I knew that life would not be easy this semester.
It's like 'Deja Vu'~

If you know my mother, then you'll know why I am not happy with my result.
Alhamdulillah, I did not fail any subject so I don't have to repeat any paper.
It's just that, my mother is NEVER HAPPY with my result.
Even if I get a high pointer, she will compare it with someone who got higher than me.
It's really tiring to try my best to satisfy her.
She wants only PERFECTION.

I recall the conversation that I had about six years ago.
PSRA (Penilaian Sekolah Rendah Agama)
"Kenapa result jadi macam tu?"
diam.
"Awak kate senang, kenapa tak dapat highest?"
dlm hati : okay lah tu, 3rd highest
In the end, hanya ustaz Isa yg tahu sebab dia yg calonkan nama aku.

The conversation happened again, but the second question was different.
"Awak tahu Syaza dapat berapa? 3.92"
diam. nangis dlm bilik.

Before balik UiTM
"Pelik betul Mummy. Syaza mmg minat subject tu, memang patutlah dia dpt score. Awak pun minat TESL kenapa tak boleh score?"
diam. tahan air mata. masuk bilik. nangis.

All this only reminds me of what a great motivator my father was. Before, he was there to comfort me. Now? Tears itself is not enough to bring the scar away.

Maybe when you read what I've written you'd think what a fool I am. Just a short, simple word can bring tears in my eyes. That's only because I've censored all the phrases that she blurted out to me. If you are in my place, you'll know. Pressure. And no one to console me. Only my friends thought that my result was ok. My mother? The pointer was like rubbish. As if I didn't work hard last semester.

All in all, this would only make me study harder. 4.0~maybe that would make her happy.